Vows to Ourselves: How Women Reclaim Agency and Why It Matters for All of Us

“Professor Bobbi Thomason offers us a manifesto to agency—and teaches us what it means to have it, lose it, and reclaim it. Blending science and storytelling, her writing is as brilliant as it is vulnerable.”—Dolly Chugh, professor, New York University Stern School of Business, author of The Person You Mean to Be and A More Just Future

Combining raw memoir and rigorous research, this thoughtful and eye-opening work offers a transformative roadmap to reclaim your agency by coloring outside the lines of what society expects.

We make many vows in our lifetimes, some big, some small. Some vows are brief and time bound. Others are intended to last a lifetime. Fulfilling those vows is deeply complicated for women. We are often navigating environments that weren't built for us, where a sudden life shock—or just the exhausting weight of small, daily demands—may sideline our goals.

After years of studying how can-do women advance in a world that isn't set up for their success, Dr. Bobbi Thomason found herself navigating a difficult divorce and custody battle—and living the very challenges to women's agency that she had been researching. Bobbi knew she needed more than outdated popular advice to make it through, so she returned to the science and reconsidered how to apply it in her own life.

In Vows to Ourselves, she chronicles her journey as she examines how women’s power is taken from them by never-ending obligations to others. And yet, while looking out for other people might be part of the problem; it is also part of the solution. Thomason frames agency not as an isolated achievement, but as a shared practice, detailing how women act with and for their village. Grounded in data and her own raw story, this book offers a credible, compassionate blueprint, encouraging women to let go of life's default settings and build a life centered on their own most precious priorities that honors their complicated and multi-faceted selves.

Vows to Ourselves will make every woman feel seen and supported. It will invite you to experiment, to put yourself first, and to sculpt the life and career you deserve.

Vows to Ourselves offers women:

Answers To Why Agency Is So Hard: Dr. Thomason offers a compelling, evidence-based exploration of why even the most ambitious, and high-achieving women find their autonomy hijacked—and the science of how women break free from being stuck.

A Story that Resonates: Through raw, vulnerable storytelling that brings the research to life, Dr. Bobbi Thomason shares her own wake-up call, reminding you that it’s never too late to reclaim your life.

Overdue Validation: If you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or stretched too thin, this book meets you with compassion—reminding you that you are not failing.

Real Tools For Real Life: Discover practical, research-backed ways to set boundaries, rediscover your desires, and build a life where your ambitions and relationships can thrive together.

A Powerful Invitation To Put Yourself First: Learn how honoring your own needs doesn’t just transform your life—it creates a ripple effect of strength, joy, and possibility for everyone around you.